…why we need Scotland independent is to rid us of the flummery that takes place in the name of the people and with which the great bulk of Scots wish to have no truck. Although Scots down the ages have shown an irreverent disregard for such niceties, that venerable English institution Debrett’s helpfully prints a ranking list so that we may all know our place.

Personally, I’d rather be a hairy-arsed rebel when it comes to class and decline to acknowledge being assigned to any rank, other than by merit. I spent too long in the colonies to put up with such guff. But, for those of you who need someone to tell you your value, here is Debrett’s rank ordered (pun intended) Table of Precedent for Scotland:

1. The Duke of Edinburgh
2. Lord High Commissioner to the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland (during sitting of the General Assembly)
3. Duke of Rothesay (The Prince of Wales)
4. The Sovereign’s Younger Sons
5. The Sovereign’s Grandsons
6. The Sovereign’s Cousins
7. Lord-Lieutenants of Counties
8. Lord Provosts of Cities being ex-officio Lord-Lieutenants of those Cities
9. Sheriffs Principal
10. Lord Chancellor of Great Britain
11. Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland (during office)
12. Keeper of the Great Seal of Scotland (the First Minister)
13. Presiding Officer
14. Secretary of State for Scotland
15. Hereditary High Constable of Scotland
16. Hereditary Master of the Household in Scotland
17. Dukes (as in English Table)
18. Eldest Sons of Dukes of the Blood Royal
19. Marquesses (as in English Table)
20. Eldest Sons of Dukes
21. Earls (as in English Table)
22. Younger Sons of Dukes of the Blood Royal
23. Eldest Sons of Marquesses
24. Younger Sons of Dukes
25. Lord Justice-General
26. Lord Clerk Register
27. Lord Advocate
28. Advocate General
29. Lord Justice-Clerk
30. Viscounts (as in English Table)
31. Eldest Sons of Earls
32. Younger Sons of Marquesses
33. Barons of Lords of Parliament (Scotland) (as in English Table)
34. Eldest Sons of Viscounts
35. Younger Sons of Earls
36. Eldest Sons of Barons or Lords of Parliament
37. Knights of the Garter
38. Knights of the Thistle
39. Privy Counsellors
40. Senators of the College of Justice (Lords of Session), including Chairman of the Scottish Land Court
41. Younger Sons of Viscounts
42. Younger Sons of Barons or Lords of Parliament
43. Baronets
44. Knights Grand Cross and Knights Grand Commanders of Orders (as in English Table)
45. Knights Commanders of Orders (as in English Table)
46. Solicitor-General for Scotland
47. Lord Lyon King of Arms
48. Sheriffs Principal (when not within own county)
49. Knights Bachelor
50. Sheriffs
51. Companions of the Order of the Bath
52. Companions of the Order of the Star of India
53. Companions of the Order of St Michael and St George
54. Companions of the Order of the Indian Empire
55. Commanders of the Royal Victorian Order
56. Commanders of the Order of the British Empire
57. Companions of the Distinguished Service Order
58. Lieutenants of the Royal Victorian Order
59. Officers of the Order of the British Empire
60. Companions of the Imperial Service Order
61. Eldest Sons of the Younger Sons of Peers
62. Eldest Sons of Baronets
63. Eldest Sons of Knights (according to the precedence of their fathers)
64. Members of the Royal Victorian Order
65. Members of the Order of the British Empire
66. Younger Sons of Baronets
67. Younger Sons of Knights
68. Esquires
69. Gentlemen

If you struggle to cope with 70 ranks, then pity the English event co-ordinator faced with, say, a state funeral, who has no fewer than 118. There are, for example, no bishops on our list. If the Bishop of Durham heads north, must the caterer commit hari-kari with a potato-peeler for lack of guidance?

And if you—like me—balked at item 69, realising that this whole list only applies to men, then you must consider an entirely separate list that applies to women. How high-class event handlers are supposed to cope if the two should ever mix is not made clear.

1. The Sovereign’s Daughter
2. The Sovereign’s Granddaughters
3. The Sovereign’s Cousin
4. Duchess of Rothesay
5. Wives of Sovereign’s Younger Sons
6. Wives of Dukes of the Blood Royal
7. Duchesses (as in English Table)
8. Wives of Eldest Sons of Dukes of the Blood Royal
9. Marchionesses (as in English Table)
10. Wives of Eldest Sons of Dukes
11. Daughters of Dukes
12. Wives of Younger Sons of Dukes of the Blood Royal
13. Wives of Eldest Sons of Marquesses
14. Daughters of Marquesses
15. Wives of Younger Sons of Dukes
16. Countesses (as in English Table)
17. Viscountesses (as in English Table)
18. Wives of Eldest Sons of Earls
19. Daughters of Earls
20. Wives of Younger Sons of Marquesses
21. Baronesses, or Ladies of Parliament (Scotland) (as in English Table)
22. Wives of Eldest Sons of Viscounts
23. Daughters of Viscounts
24. Wives of Younger Sons of Earls
25. Wives of Eldest Sons of Barons or Lords of Parliament
26. Daughters of Barons or Lords of Parliament
27. Ladies of the Order of the Garter
28. Wives of Knights of the Garter
29. Ladies of the Order of the Thistle
30. Wives of Knights of the Thistle
31. Privy Counsellors (Women)
32. Wives of the Younger Sons of Viscounts
33. Wives of Younger Sons of Barons
34. Daughters of Lords of Appeal in Ordinary
35. Wives of Sons of Lords of Appeal in Ordinary
36. Wives of Baronets
37. Dames Grand Cross of Orders (as in English Table)
38. Wives of Knights Grand Cross and Knights Grand Commanders of Orders (as in English Tables)
39. Wives of Knights Bachelor, and Wives of Senators of the College of Justice (Lords of Session) including the wife of the Chairman of the Scottish Land Court
40. Companions of the Order of the Bath
41. Companions of the Order of St Michael and St George
42. Commanders of the Royal Victorian Order
43. Commanders of the Order of the British Empire
44. Wives of Companions of the Order of the Bath
45. Wives of Companions of the Order of the Star of India
46. Wives of Companions of the Order of St Michael and St George
47. Wives of Companions of the Order of the Indian Empire
48. Wives of Commanders of Royal Victorian Order
49. Wives of Commanders of the Order of the British Empire
50. Wives of Companions of the Distinguished Service Order
51. Lieutenants of the Royal Victorian Order
52. Officers of the Order of the British Empire
53. Wives of Officers of the Order of the British Empire
54. Wives of Companions of the Imperial Service Order
55. Wives of the Eldest Sons of the Younger Sons of Peers
56. Daughters of the Younger Sons of Peers
57. Wives of the Eldest Sons of Baronets
58. Daughters of Baronets
59. Wives of the Eldest Sons of Knights of the Garter
60. Wives of the Eldest Sons of Knights
61. Daughters of Knights
62. Members of the Royal Victorian Order
63. Members of the Order of the British Empire
64. Wives of Members of the Royal Victorian Order
65. Wives of Members of the Order of the British Empire
66. Wives of the Younger Sons of Baronets
67. Wives of the Younger Sons of Knights
68. Wives of Esquires
69. Wives of Gentlemen