We are always being told how, being a part of Britain, Scotland derives major benefits from “being at the top table” or “punching far above our weight”. Let’s assume such logic isn’t mince. Well, why mess about with the has-beens and also-rans like Britain? Let’s go straight to superpower without waiting our turn to pass ‘GO’ or collect 200 squid.

As today is their Independence Day, let’s apply to the US for Scotland to be their 51st state. Just think about the advantages: Obama’s far cooler than Cameron; the US GDP ($14 trillion) is seven times bigger than the UK’s; we wouldn’t wait years to see their soaps; petrol would be under 50p a litre and you wouldn’t need a passport to shop New York or surf Malibu. And if you’re keen on really punching above your weight, how about being backed by a dozen carrier strike forces and three divisions of marines to tear the heads off anyone who looks sideways at Scotland?

Just think: a refrigerator the size of a car, a car the size of a house and a house the size of several Inner Hebrides stuck together. And they would love us: all our golf, whisky and tartan-laced history. 20,000,000 Americans (and 75% of their presidents) claim Scottish ancestry; how hard could it be to persuade a majority to let us meld with the colonies instead of being stuck with the colonisers? After all, where to you think McDonalds came from in the first place? Now’s the day and now’s the hour…altogether now:

Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light…