Calling All Pedants

John Cleese has been able to make me laugh in a huge variety of circumstances ever since my uni studies were regularly interrupted to join a flatful of mates to fall about to Monty Python. Ever wry, if not acid, he has since commented on 2015’s ongoing security crisis by dipping his pen into his customary fluent vitriol and lampooning the bureaucrat’s cheerless ideas of how to deal with it. However, in contrast to his normally flawless flow, in this case, he has made a (not?) deliberate mistake; see if you can spot it.

“The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

“The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

“The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.”

About davidsberry

Local councillor, tour guide and database designer. Keen on wildlife, history, boats and music. Stood for the Scottish Parliament 2011; lost by 151 votes.
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