An unexpected discovery amidst last Sunday’s blizzard of inserts in the papers was riches indeed: a reprint of Stanley Baxter’s classic Parliamo Glasgow with such essential phrases as ‘zarra‘ as in ‘zarra besyekindae?‘ or ‘goannae’ as in ‘goannaenodaethat?’. Which made me realise, after standing on countless doorsteps and trying the patience of locals (who’d rather have been watching Corrie instead of standing letting the heat out) that they are just as colourful in their expressions—but are rather more polite than those in Easterhouse.

For example, you soon learn that ‘nahyera’ritepawl‘ although a polite expression, translates directly into ‘I’d rather not speak with you’ or more accurately into ‘feck off’, as does the more pointed ‘whitsapointyouzzurawrasame‘. And you need to stay alert for phrases such as ‘ahvnoevenascoobie‘ or ‘ahuvnygieditonythochtyet‘ which are the hallmarks of the floating voter and—far from signaling hostility—indicate the need for follow-up.